Damn...

Honestly, Really I just don't get it
And I don't think I'll ever get it!
Felt like a bullet went through my head
And yet I'm still restless.
Yea I hope you all see this
And make your comments about it
Cuz I ain't gunna doubt it!
Imma just kick back and say... DAMN!

I know what this means for me
And how I'll perceive it
So if you see a disappearing show
Just holler to the next one yo.
This is how my venting goes
And yes its in a melodic flow
And makes me say to myself... DAMN!

I really wish it wouldn't be you
Cuz all I've learned is to hate
And how to be cruel dude.
Yea I guess we'll have to see each other,
But that don't mean you'll ever be another,
Person that I think of in a positive way,
Cuz yes my demons be stirring at bay!
So all I got to say is... DAMN! MAN DAMN!

My Own Lens

So while on break I had a lot of time to think about certain things and one thing really came to my attention. I had formed my own lens. I've been back home many times but for some reason this time was so different everything that I did not realize before became too obvious to me. Just
coming back home felt like being on a foreign planet.

This is when I realized that I am finally, and proudly my own being.

The thing that I have been searching for all this time had finally manifested in me to a point where I could realize it for myself. In the many conversations that I had with my family over this break I realize that I am no longer underneath the guidance of my parents in my thoughts/opinions and that I have started to spread my own wings in order to carve my own path through the mystical sky. I do not know how to describe this feeling other than liberated. I feel those limiters that have been put on me through being spoiled and sheltered have shattered and it feels so refresh, crisp like the breeze of an ocean.
However, it is scary knowing that I am now my own person and what that entails about my future actions. At this time all I can think about are the countless people who have encouraged me to do one simple, yet incomprehensibly hard thing: "BE YOURSELF / TRUST YOURSELF"
Yes, I feel as though I have found that person, but to completely have faith in that me that I see is crazy! So I will embrace it and look into myself from now on the try and find my own answers that I seek. Ultimately in this journey to just be ME.

Simplest concepts are the hardest to grasp

So I've been wondering during finals week what it is that makes studying so hard. I mean if you think about it studying entails reading, writing, memorizing, applying, reviewing. These in themselves are all simple concepts but when brought together seem an impossible task. Then it hit me that studying really isn't hard. In fact if you paced yourself studying should actually just be more of reviewing since the material is already in your head you just got to dig it up. I being a procrastinator understand this yet can never seem to apply it.
YES the simple concept application.
Why is this one word such a hard habit to attain?
google defined application as "the act of bringing something to bear; using it for a particular purpose."

It seems so simple yet so profound at the same time.The act of bringing something to bear means that you are creating something with an end product in mind. So then does application also imply being goal oriented? Using it for a particular purpose... what if you don't know what that purpose is? how can you apply yourself to your own life if you don't understand what purpose you serve yet? so many questions come to mind when you think about application, yet it seems so simple on paper.

Back to the topic of studying. Yes when you study all you need to do is apply what you have learned through reading, lectures, writing, solving problems. But then you take a step back and you wonder about the word in general. Application is it really as simple as you think it is?
For that matter is any word as simple as it seems? I find that there is great meaning in words when used in the right way and through words your mind can be trained to think beyond what is in front of you to the grand scheme of things.

Lol after writing this i realize i did not touch on what I had originally intended which is how hard simple tasks are, but i think my tangent has lead to some thought provoking concepts. Ehhhh good enough for me =0p

So many things on my mind

So lately I have been unable to sleep when I want to and its given me a lot of time to think... that or I think a lot so I can't sleep. Haven't decided which way it goes yet... =0p
Anyways so the biggest thing on my mind has been SPOP!

Just the thought of having an opportunity to be part of such an amazing program is ecstasy in its purest form. I am so excited to meet these 134 people and spend this upcoming summer doing who knows what! These thoughts fill my mind as i so desperately try to study but can't seem to stay on track.

In desperation I am writing this blog so that I may have some peace of mind to continue studying by the way. I feel man sidetracks coming on through this entry.

So back to SPOP I feel like it was just yesterday that I was in Lean like a Lago with my staffers and here I am two years down the road being able to feel this amazing feeling again!!! Only this time I get to experience it more than once and in a whole new perspective. I can't wait to see what this summer will bring and I am looking foward to everything!!! I want to make sure that I live this opprotunity up to the fullest, since I was privilegded to be chosen. Therefore I want to vow to myself through blogging that I will give this year of SPOP my MAXIMUM in order to BE THE CHANGE that will INSPIRE JOY, POISTIVITY, and HAPPINESS!!!

Having made that statement if anyone reads this entry and find that i am not living up to my vow then call me on it because TRUST, I WILL BE DOWN... unless it is for reasons that are understandable. =0)

So here is one for SPOP w.e. year and for the memorise and experiences that change lives!!!

Roots

We had practice Sunday as usual
Ren and I were cleaning the intro and for some reason it seemed increasingly hard to keep everyone focused and it as usual took a huge toll on my mind... not because people weren't listening, but because of the lost potential of this team. That's when it happened...

Randomly Jason Millar came to practice and made yet another "announcement"
All of a sudden you see alumni from all different years dating back to the founding Alpha's... not just .5's. This was when it hit me... Our roots are strong and they have carried us to the position that we are now and with strong roots sprouts a strong tree.

I believe that the current team of any year is the trunk of the tree and we are a solid unit. Therefore I am humbled while restored with overwhelming passion to carry out this potential to the best of my ability. However, I must always remember that just like the smiles on the alumni's face this team is first and foremost about having fun whether its through getting better or just the pure bliss of dance!

What Does it all Mean?

Lately i can't shake this feeling that i have of constant emptiness... I feel that i lack substance to my life and have once again gone back to a droning routine that tires me just to think about.
I wonder why with all the beauty around me i seem to be blind?
I believe the answer is...

You won't ever really know...

But is that bad considering life in itself is a mystery, why are you born as oppose to any other one of those little swimmers. In part my heart feels that this emptiness comes from the lack of God in my life, yet why is it so hard to keep and maintain a relationship with him?

Coming form a strong Christian background but then losing my diligent practices i find myself trapped in a mental and perhaps spiritual labyrinth with no exit.

I question as to why maintaining such a relationship becomes a difficult task and why it seems to be true for not only God but many things in life. Keep on keeping on, what does that mean... do you just keep doing what you do even if there is no purpose anymore, or do you find purpose in just doing the things that you were doing?

AHHHHHH i know this all seems random and that is because my mind is random and i have a hard time organizing my thoughts but at least i can type them out.

At the end of the day i'm not trying to say i feel sad or lonely or depressed, but i do feel a type of emptiness that has yet to be filled and i hope one day it will be =0)

Until then Joy, Positivity, and Happiness!!!

Philo 5 Notes =0)

Q1: What is Euthanasia?
- is it okay to kill
Q2: Is it ever morally acceptable?
Q3: Should it be legal?

Euthanasia comes from:
-Eu = good
-Thanatos = death

Euthanasia
1) relief of serious pain
2) patient (subject) is unable to commit suicide
3) no expectation of finding a cure

Euthanasia is an action or omission which of itself or by intention causes death, in order to benefit the subject by relieving unbearable suffering

Action vs Omission:
action you do it & omission you don't do it


Involuntary vs. Voluntary vs. Non-voluntary
- don't want it; want it; can't speak for themselves
Voluntary active euthanasia vs. Voluntary passive euthanasia
-you do something to kill them, you stop treatment which leads to death

Rachel argues that passive and active is the same...