Take a Second...

Damn...

2009-11-06T11:01:00.000-08:00

Honestly, Really I just don't get it
And I don't think I'll ever get it!
Felt like a bullet went through my head
And yet I'm still restless.
Yea I hope you all see this
And make your comments about it
Cuz I ain't gunna doubt it!
Imma just kick back and say... DAMN!

I know what this means for me
And how I'll perceive it
So if you see a disappearing show
Just holler to the next one yo.
This is how my venting goes
And yes its in a melodic flow
And makes me say to myself... DAMN!

I really wish it wouldn't be you
Cuz all I've learned is to hate
And how to be cruel dude.
Yea I guess we'll have to see each other,
But that don't mean you'll ever be another,
Person that I think of in a positive way,
Cuz yes my demons be stirring at bay!
So all I got to say is... DAMN! MAN DAMN!

My Own Lens

2009-03-27T01:06:00.000-07:00

So while on break I had a lot of time to think about certain things and one thing really came to my attention. I had formed my own lens. I've been back home many times but for some reason this time was so different everything that I did not realize before became too obvious to me. Just
coming back home felt like being on a foreign planet.

This is when I realized that I am finally, and proudly my own being.

The thing that I have been searching for all this time had finally manifested in me to a point where I could realize it for myself. In the many conversations that I had with my family over this break I realize that I am no longer underneath the guidance of my parents in my thoughts/opinions and that I have started to spread my own wings in order to carve my own path through the mystical sky. I do not know how to describe this feeling other than liberated. I feel those limiters that have been put on me through being spoiled and sheltered have shattered and it feels so refresh, crisp like the breeze of an ocean.
However, it is scary knowing that I am now my own person and what that entails about my future actions. At this time all I can think about are the countless people who have encouraged me to do one simple, yet incomprehensibly hard thing: "BE YOURSELF / TRUST YOURSELF"
Yes, I feel as though I have found that person, but to completely have faith in that me that I see is crazy! So I will embrace it and look into myself from now on the try and find my own answers that I seek. Ultimately in this journey to just be ME.

Simplest concepts are the hardest to grasp

2009-03-16T16:51:00.001-07:00

So I've been wondering during finals week what it is that makes studying so hard. I mean if you think about it studying entails reading, writing, memorizing, applying, reviewing. These in themselves are all simple concepts but when brought together seem an impossible task. Then it hit me that studying really isn't hard. In fact if you paced yourself studying should actually just be more of reviewing since the material is already in your head you just got to dig it up. I being a procrastinator understand this yet can never seem to apply it.
YES the simple concept application.
Why is this one word such a hard habit to attain?
google defined application as "the act of bringing something to bear; using it for a particular purpose."

It seems so simple yet so profound at the same time.The act of bringing something to bear means that you are creating something with an end product in mind. So then does application also imply being goal oriented? Using it for a particular purpose... what if you don't know what that purpose is? how can you apply yourself to your own life if you don't understand what purpose you serve yet? so many questions come to mind when you think about application, yet it seems so simple on paper.

Back to the topic of studying. Yes when you study all you need to do is apply what you have learned through reading, lectures, writing, solving problems. But then you take a step back and you wonder about the word in general. Application is it really as simple as you think it is?
For that matter is any word as simple as it seems? I find that there is great meaning in words when used in the right way and through words your mind can be trained to think beyond what is in front of you to the grand scheme of things.

Lol after writing this i realize i did not touch on what I had originally intended which is how hard simple tasks are, but i think my tangent has lead to some thought provoking concepts. Ehhhh good enough for me =0p

So many things on my mind

2009-03-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

So lately I have been unable to sleep when I want to and its given me a lot of time to think... that or I think a lot so I can't sleep. Haven't decided which way it goes yet... =0p
Anyways so the biggest thing on my mind has been SPOP!

Just the thought of having an opportunity to be part of such an amazing program is ecstasy in its purest form. I am so excited to meet these 134 people and spend this upcoming summer doing who knows what! These thoughts fill my mind as i so desperately try to study but can't seem to stay on track.

In desperation I am writing this blog so that I may have some peace of mind to continue studying by the way. I feel man sidetracks coming on through this entry.

So back to SPOP I feel like it was just yesterday that I was in Lean like a Lago with my staffers and here I am two years down the road being able to feel this amazing feeling again!!! Only this time I get to experience it more than once and in a whole new perspective. I can't wait to see what this summer will bring and I am looking foward to everything!!! I want to make sure that I live this opprotunity up to the fullest, since I was privilegded to be chosen. Therefore I want to vow to myself through blogging that I will give this year of SPOP my MAXIMUM in order to BE THE CHANGE that will INSPIRE JOY, POISTIVITY, and HAPPINESS!!!

Having made that statement if anyone reads this entry and find that i am not living up to my vow then call me on it because TRUST, I WILL BE DOWN... unless it is for reasons that are understandable. =0)

So here is one for SPOP w.e. year and for the memorise and experiences that change lives!!!

Roots

2009-02-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

We had practice Sunday as usual
Ren and I were cleaning the intro and for some reason it seemed increasingly hard to keep everyone focused and it as usual took a huge toll on my mind... not because people weren't listening, but because of the lost potential of this team. That's when it happened...

Randomly Jason Millar came to practice and made yet another "announcement"
All of a sudden you see alumni from all different years dating back to the founding Alpha's... not just .5's. This was when it hit me... Our roots are strong and they have carried us to the position that we are now and with strong roots sprouts a strong tree.

I believe that the current team of any year is the trunk of the tree and we are a solid unit. Therefore I am humbled while restored with overwhelming passion to carry out this potential to the best of my ability. However, I must always remember that just like the smiles on the alumni's face this team is first and foremost about having fun whether its through getting better or just the pure bliss of dance!

What Does it all Mean?

2009-01-28T16:36:00.000-08:00

Lately i can't shake this feeling that i have of constant emptiness... I feel that i lack substance to my life and have once again gone back to a droning routine that tires me just to think about.
I wonder why with all the beauty around me i seem to be blind?
I believe the answer is...

You won't ever really know...

But is that bad considering life in itself is a mystery, why are you born as oppose to any other one of those little swimmers. In part my heart feels that this emptiness comes from the lack of God in my life, yet why is it so hard to keep and maintain a relationship with him?

Coming form a strong Christian background but then losing my diligent practices i find myself trapped in a mental and perhaps spiritual labyrinth with no exit.

I question as to why maintaining such a relationship becomes a difficult task and why it seems to be true for not only God but many things in life. Keep on keeping on, what does that mean... do you just keep doing what you do even if there is no purpose anymore, or do you find purpose in just doing the things that you were doing?

AHHHHHH i know this all seems random and that is because my mind is random and i have a hard time organizing my thoughts but at least i can type them out.

At the end of the day i'm not trying to say i feel sad or lonely or depressed, but i do feel a type of emptiness that has yet to be filled and i hope one day it will be =0)

Until then Joy, Positivity, and Happiness!!!

Philo 5 Notes =0)

2009-01-07T12:00:00.000-08:00

Q1: What is Euthanasia?
- is it okay to kill
Q2: Is it ever morally acceptable?
Q3: Should it be legal?

Euthanasia comes from:
-Eu = good
-Thanatos = death

Euthanasia
1) relief of serious pain
2) patient (subject) is unable to commit suicide
3) no expectation of finding a cure

Euthanasia is an action or omission which of itself or by intention causes death, in order to benefit the subject by relieving unbearable suffering

Action vs Omission:
action you do it & omission you don't do it

Involuntary vs. Voluntary vs. Non-voluntary
- don't want it; want it; can't speak for themselves
Voluntary active euthanasia vs. Voluntary passive euthanasia
-you do something to kill them, you stop treatment which leads to death

Rachel argues that passive and active is the same...

PASS IT FORWARD... because ya'll will MISS OUT if you don't!!!

2008-12-28T03:19:00.000-08:00

So during this winter break as it will soon come to a close... boo hoo and horray for new events to come!!!

I had stumbled upon many Spop videos which consist not only of gold year but quite a few from purple and a brown year spop video as well...

The thing that amazes me the most is that no matter what year of spop video i watch they all almost bring me to joyful tears in the memorise that i have had in my piece of the GREAT spop pie and seeing the previous generations of spop come alive in the new... countless times watching a purple year video have i thought to myself hey we did that too in gold year! This brings me to my most recent thoughts lately which is... PASS IT FORWARD!!!!!

I believe that one of the core reasons why spop is always a successful program here at UCI is one because of the fact that it is a selfless act yet a self-indulgent act which makes you feel good and why the program has a ridiculous amount of applicants. However, i feel the reason that the program has gained such prestige all around the campus is the fact that in some way shape or form everything gets PASSED DOWN!!!

Why is is so special is because spop encourages one another not to try and be unique... although it is good... but instead spop tells you do what you need to in order to improve yourself and the man or woman next to you, even if it means copying someone else's sheer geniusness. This sounds strange at first because everyone is special in their own way and we should not emphasize emulating others...

random side thought, why does spop emphaisze SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GREATNESS... duh because when you surround yourself with it you will be it too since you emulate others and make it part of who you are...

Anyways point being spop says pass it foward because it helps spring future generations to meditate upon and sometimes even improve upon those very thoughts, while PRESERVING THE PAST! Yes that was the key preserving the past = tradition = a group habit = habits are a bitch to try and fix, unless its a good habit =0)

Therefore to conclue my speal I challenge anyone that is part of a group to NEVER lose your roots while stimulating yourself and one another to strive for excellence through outward actions that can be displayed and made an example of, not for yourself but in the stead of all those that came before you!!!

-I believe that will be a new goal for me in the New Year, to remember the Old in order to futher the Future!!! =0)

An Exhibition Team is a Competing Team

2008-12-19T18:06:00.000-08:00

I began thinking about this next quarter and the quickly approaching Vibe practice schedule with reflection of my past year on MCIA. I look forward to these new practices that will truly be a test of our competitive spirit.

I say that an Exhibition team is one that competes because i believe we do, it is just the field on which we compete is different. First and foremost is the competition against yourself in order to further improve yourself because the reason you dance goes beyond a trophy or name recognition, although recognition is nice FORSURE, but it is simply to enjoy and grow as a dancer. The second competition we face is one as a team, which is team morale. I believe that the true competition for any team is not what happens on performance day but the practices that lead up to that performance...

To continue my thought i also want to put my two cents in for the new Vibe practices and after...

This is because practices are the time where you decide as a team whether you will all just barely carry your bodies to and from practice or you will find a way to to be happy at practice, and don't get me wrong because the topic of happy versus having fun is another topic in itself, but i feel that if you as a team are happy throughout practices then you have already gain a prize that is worth more than any first place at any competition. I say this because come competition day we will all be winners no matter how the performance went.

Therefore back to the discussion of being happy...

Being happy is not a case of cause and effect but BEING THE EFFECT! It is easy to "feel happy" when you gain something or someone does you a favor, but to be happy is that simple set of changing your mindset from whatever it may be and saying this is good and i'm happy with it. Now i go back to the second competition with an exhibition team which is morale, i believe that the key to success in this aspect is the same. It is hard to say that you will always come to a practice "feeling happy", due to drama or school work or just feeling cranky, BUT the key is to take whatever circumstance that you have and say you know what, i may not agree with it but i'm happy because at the end of the day i am here and that is enough, because if you think about it most people don't get to end at least 3 out of 7 days with 40 people that they love.

In conclusion, positivity is a thought process and happiness is the mind set. Together with the determination to push yourself in order to improve yourself is the ultimate field of any dance team in my opinion, which leads to say that whether your competing for a place or doing it for the performance the grand finale of any dance team is the same hence and exhibition team is a competing team.

Take Your Time

2008-12-16T18:58:00.000-08:00

This quarter more than any other i have been faced to challenge my beliefs and how i view the world that i live in. While taking Soc 1 with O'Connel and taking IS 11, with two Marxist professors, i found they bring very good points up about life in a capitalistic society or a colonialist society where one must suffer in order to keep another on top which give birth to the idea of Social Darwinism. Therefore you can say Americans are born into a competitive world, but the question is why?

In trying to understand this point i find myself facing my beliefs on Christianity and how they affect my perception on life. In class i had learned that Christianity was a tool that politicians used ever since the formation of our country and i initially was very upset thinking Christianity is perfect in every way no matter how much i struggle with it. However, the question transformed into what makes a religion a religion and i believe that you yourself create what you believe and therefore the only person that tells you what is right and wrong is yourself. This lead me down a path where i started to think that institutionalizing Christianity does nothing for faith but hinder it by giving the religion stereotypes. This broadened my scope to think about national religions and how those seriously take away from what faith is all about, for example the numerous wars that have been fought under a religion when most religions go against the very idea of war. Therefore at times it makes no sense spiritually to gather and meet other than to support one another in your faith which is a positive thing, but in actually all it does is put people against each other because they want to be right. However, the definition of right is so controversial to begin with.

This brings me to my next point which is how the word "right" changes so much based on your perspective that is attain through time. As a child i use to think my grandpa was wrong in stating the church has so many hypocrites and how he refused to go to a church. This was due to the fact that i had been raised since birth to always attend church and thought it was a place of fellowship and worship, but i could not see the politics behind the church that provided these things. In this sense i do not blame the church because as much as they want to be available for everyone it is hard when you must pay for rent and facilities in a capitalistic government, therefore stressing about having enough money to support the church. Therefore the part about my grandpa which i disliked so much after 5 years has become something that i had learned to understand and the biggest eye opener is that neither of us were right, but the fact is that the way our system has been set up it is inevitable to do much without money. The church which was suppose to be a place of support became a place of reliance on others donations and the government that was suppose to help its people relied on the money of its people in order to function. This brought me to understand just how unforgiving our country is when you don't have money yet when you do everything seems wonderful.

Once again from that thought my mind shifted gears again to knowledge and how it changes you as a person. From when you were little and did not understand the workings of the world so in blind ignorance you would follow what you were taught. To rebelling against the world because you learn for yourself that this institution you have been breed into has fed you falsehoods and half-truths. To finally, you in a journey to find out who you are and throw away all those preconceived notions in order to for the first time step out and figure out what you, yourself want to learn as your truth. This is the on going journey that i have found myself in as i would constantly think of many random things and connected one dot to another in order to try and paint a complete picture but always fall short. I had dinner with my family last night and my grandpa was talking and once again i listened to the man who i thought was half hysteric and came to realize that he is a very wise man who i would not be able to comprehend but am slowly starting to in the slightest of ways. This was a scary thought for me as i realized how vast the word knowledge was and how the only way to understand it is through time. Therefore as i start my journey to let my brain explore within itself and dig for the truth that i desperately search for, i start by taking a deep breathe and telling myself:

take your time because that is what it takes!

P.S. - Sorry my thoughts are pretty scattered and i'm sure it is hard to follow but that is really how my brain thinks and how i come to the conclusion that i do =0p

Intro...

2008-12-15T23:48:00.000-08:00

Well i just told my girlfriend that the fist entry in a blog is so much pressure that i dunno how to start it so here it goes... I'M STARTING... and if anyone reads my blogs sorry but i will have MASSIVE spelling errors like a ridiculous amount therefore SORRY...

but for a better introduction i just want to say... Take a Second...